The Myth of the Strapless Strap-On

The Myth of the Strapless Strap-On

Filed under: 
Sex & Recreation

When I first ventured into the land of lady-on-lady loving I was enamored with the idea of a strapless strap-on. No obnoxious straps. No lost parts. Just yummy direct skin-on-skin contact, mutual penetration and toe curling clitoral friction! What else could a young lesbo dream of?

If you have never seen one of these bad boys, head to a sex shop and give them a look. There are two models that you are likely to find; the Feeldoe and a model by Fun Factory. By inserting and clenching the “the short, curved bulb…into the vagina” Fun Factory says that you will have an “unbeatable sexual experience” completely free of messy straps. If you have ever played with a normal strap-on, you know how difficult it can be; complicated twisted straps make it difficult to get on, clasps suddenly give way moments before orgasm and if your angles aren’t just right that dildo flops around all over the place.

For years, I have dreamt of endless nights of fucking with one of these god-sends. Finally, several penetration-weary partners later, I got my chance! After going heavy on the foreplay and free flowing with lube it was time for the main event.

How dare they call this monstrosity a ‘bulb’! A bulb sounds like the beginnings of a delicate blossom; something tiny and shaped like a sperm. But ohhh no, that is not what it was. Attempting to insert this enormous strangely shaped beach ball into my lady flower felt like I was playing an aggressive game of Tetris with machetes.

Just fuck me alreadyNo pain, no gain- on we go! After thanking the all mighty Sapphic god that my babymaker didn’t rip while getting this thing in, and grateful that my cries of pain hadn’t killed the mood too much, the tapered edge initially kept it comfortably in place while beginning to get our groove on. I must admit that there is nothing more satisfying that playing with this toy. If you are on the receiving end, feeling the tender skin of your lover so close to you and hearing their sighs of her pleasure is incredible. As a giver it is AMAZING! ...for about 30 seconds. With every thrust you get a triple shot of pleasure; the moans of your lover, the contact with your clit and perfect aim right to your g-spot. With that much going on, the moisture level amplifies incredibly… and thus comes the searing pain. Regardless of how hard you try to clench your PVCs, you are going to get dangerously wet and this thing is going to slip out. It hurts going in and boy does it hurts falling out. Worse, noticing that you are slowly losing grasp of this toy as your lover’s cries become sharper and shorter is a tragedy all on its own.

I’ve taken a general poll and it seems that most women I know either gave up on this toy, use it with a harness, or sport a snug fitting pair of underwear to support it. Tragically, I must dispel the myth of the strapless strap-on. Nevertheless, I would strongly recommend you give this toy a try: just with a harness.

Share this article

Comments

Content Stream

EVERY SUNDAY. We feature the best underground tracks & remixes, and most of them are up for free download. We prioritize Canadian producers and acts but it is not exclusive. Every Sunday, we'll round-up all of our favourite remixes and tracks we've received through submissions and lay them out...
Young spitter REX is an up and comer straight out of Queens, New York. Upon first listen, you can indistinguishably hear the dark dualism within this artist. His alter egos often chimes in with bleak, grimy, and at times aggressive raps. In this hood anthem entitled “Let it Loose” , Rex and the...
Melbourne has got us swayin' - Oscar Key Sung shares his newest single titled "Shallow," a pure blend of meticulous amateur pop with R&B influences. This is a first look at new material the multi-talented artist has been working on in transition between Australia and Los Angeles. Oscar Key Sung...
If you live in Montreal, you've probably watched at least one music video from La Maison Bald Man . Xavier Cantin-Lemieux is a young visionary from Montreal who is best known today as a music video director for many young emerging talents. We've covered many of his videos on the site for acts such...
Yes, it's in Franglais. Final State is a band from Quebec city who've been around for about 2 years now. We've had an eye out for them for some time now, so we're extremely excited to share their new single and video for "WAYN?" - "WAYN?" (read: Where are you now? ) is a cut off Final State 's...
Connecticut-based solo artist Jay Pray learned how to make music growing up in rural Connecticut, both by playing and by recording in his own makeshift home studio. Jay Pray recently released a music video (or short film) for his single “Smile” which immediately struck an emotional chord with us...
She's proving herself to be the next diamond out of the 6. Toronto based artist Faiza emerged on the music scene back in 2014, with the release of her debut self titled EP. As soon as we heard about her latest single and video, we couldn't wait to share it with all of you. Her new single "Body Babe...
As soon as we layed our ears on this one we were hooked. Magic Bronson 's latest single "Nervous" is an amalgalm of good vibes, feelings and evokes emotions that are indescribable. Comprised of producers Michael Nicastro and Matthew Lieberman , they say that they will never write the same song...
Spirit Twin is a Brooklyn-based electronic duo, formed by Allen and Anna in 2015. There use of high hats, dreamy guitar riffs and layered ethereal vocals synthesize to create their own musical style and vibe. The music video for their song "Ferris Wheel" was directed by Audrey Bagley of Sealoch...
New York was a shitshow last weekend after 14 inches of snow was dumped onto the street in a matter of hours. Slightly unprepared, we made whatever warm(ish) looks we could, and were forced to repeat some outfits - probably a faux-pas at fashion week, but I mean how good is this camo MARKANTOINE...
The latest edition of La Poutine Week garnered quite the success following the previous years. This celebration happens around the same time every year, where restaurants in Montreal take the time to reimagine the way they’d like to introduce (or reintroduce) the classic Poutine in their own way...
EVERY SUNDAY. We feature the best underground tracks & remixes, and most of them are up for free download. We prioritize Canadian producers and acts but it is not exclusive. Every Sunday, we'll round-up all of our favourite remixes and tracks we've received through submissions and lay them out...