Things People Do At Music Festivals That Makes You Want to Flip a Table
Music Festivals: The place where people pay a pretty insane (sometimes insulting) amount of money to go see kick ass bands (depending on your definition) play a set (except if your name is Death Grips, K-Os or Kings of Leon) and basically just have a good time (to a certain extent) with your buddies.
Everyone’s familiar with the definition? Good. Now that we know how festivals work, let’s take a minute to talk about the attendees. You've got some old, some young, some with no regard for personal space and some who've forgotten deodorant. There's some tall as fuck, some drunk as fuck and some who plain don't give a fuck. Unfortunately out of all those people, not everyone knows exactly how to conduct themselves in an appropriate manner so to speak. This is where I come in, to guide the unknowing, the lost sheep in the heard. Take yield of my message with the following guidelines or else next time you're in front of me at Osheaga or any other festival like MURAL, Piknic Electronik, or even NXNE, I might gut punch you.
Don’t Culture Appropriate:
It's cool, it's hip, it's trendy, and the hipsters can't get enough. But please know that wearing things like headdresses and bindis when you have no clue what they are actually meant for or have nothing to do with your culture makes you look like a tool. There are other ways to dress up for a festival and other ways to celebrate an ethnicity's customs without dishonoring them. And the flower crowns. I know they don't actually have anything to do with culture appropriation but girls please stop because you're literally all blending into one giant overdone tacky mess and your boyfriends can’t tell you apart.
I know it might seem like a great idea to pop 5 caps of molly and drink all that tequila but please think twice. Festivals are long, the heat can become unbearable and frankly you’re either going to end up groping other questionable characters you’ll later regret or end up spazzing out and missing half the shows cus you’ll be too fascinated by your hands.
Don’t Act Smart:
It’s very normal to get to a music festival and actually have knowledge on maybe 5 or 6 bands. So please don't be that music critic everyone wants to kick in the face because you feel the need to make a remark on each band before every new set. Enjoy the show and just stfu.
Don’t Dress Up (But DO Wear Something For Fuck Sake):
This is Picnik Electronik. NOT the fucking Met Gala. You don't need to get all dolled up or try to win best street style because no one fucking cares. Alternatively, this is not the time to dress so inappropriately that your father's weeping can be heard over the music. Let’s go over a few basic no-no's:
knock that shit off.
What the actual fuck tho.
I can't deal.
Ok we're done here.
Don’t Stay Glued to your Phone
Lastly, put your goddamn phone away! Stop tweeting about The Black Keys and maybe actually watch them play? I know how much you want all your friends on social media to experience jealousy and FOMO but it's pretty sucky to spend all that time at Meg Montreal without actually having any recollection of what happened. Also get that selfie stick out of the way or it's going up your bum.
So hopefully these tips will help some of you out and you'll be able to enjoy the festivities safely and for those that I couldn't get through to, you're in my prayers.