10 Things A Guy Wonders About While Giving Head to a Girl

10 Things A Guy Wonders About While Giving Head to a Girl

Filed under: 
Sex & Recreation

Cunnilingus. Urban Dictionary describes it as “The art of orally making sweet love to a vagina” and “The great American pastime”.

Are they wrong? This sometimes controversial act of oral sex has only become “mainstream” in the past few decades but behind closed doors, men have been eating out, munching the carpet, muff-diving, going down to pleasure town for quite some time. And with great reason! Who doesn't want to rock their significant other’s world with their linguistic talents? (If you answered “me” then you sir, are an asshole.)

Cunnilingus

We had previously reported our findings on what women think of while giving a blowjob and seeing the cup half full, I decided to put my Sherlock Holmes hat on and do a little investigating on the other side of the fence.  I went to the streets (my contact list), gathered data (bothered all my dude friends), and documented my findings (procrastinated at work) on what goes through the mind of your average twenty something North American cunning linguist. 

1. Aesthetics

Pablo Picasso Les Demoiselles

“Is it shaved?”

“I hope it’s clean”

“Is she gonna have a Picasso pussy or is it gonna be shaved?”

“does she have piercings?”

This one goes through the mind of every guy right before the moment of truth. What surprise awaits him as he creeps his way lower and lower? Will there be an intricate design? Or perhaps she’s more of the “bald eagle” fan? One great answer received that sums up the situation nicely was “shaven or not, must conquer”. In conclusion girls, if you’re planning on serving a buffet, make sure you set the table.

2. Their Turn

John Hamm gif

“I wonder if she’s going to blow me”

“Am I getting head after this or what?”

“I should get sex after this…AT LEAST a handjob”

Next on the list is the worried questioning on whether this special party favour of his will be returned or if he’s shit out of luck. Bobby Brown’s Prerogative starts playing in the background as your man is worried he shouldn’t have said “ladies first”. I think it’s safe to say that the answer to this question sometimes lies solely on how well you’re doing your work boys, so tip: keep your head in the game.

3. Your Turn

Shoshanna gif

“Is she enjoying herself?”

“Hope she enjoys it”

Ah, the age old question, the truth of all truths. It’s all fine and dandy to go down without a strategy but if guys, if you're just going to be fooling around and god forbid poke at it then no, no we are not going to be having a good time. It’s pretty easy to tell when something is working and something isn’t so rest assured, you’ll never be in too much doubt. UNLESS….

4. The Big O

When Harry Met Sally gif

“When is she gonna cum?”

“Was that fake?”

The self-doubt sets in as he is analysing the intensity of your moans and starts becoming skeptical of your level of satisfaction. We usually tend to stay polite and not blatantly show a guy our scoreboard when it’s been a rough night, opting instead to give a well scripted award winning presentation. Apparently guys start cluing in after hearing the script one too many times, but if you think about it: whose fault is that?

5. Taste

Supernatural gif

“If it tastes bad, I’m gone”

“What flavour of soap is this? /This is not the flavour of soap.”

“This tastes good”

It’s no surprise this would be on the list since the fact is Taste, along with Touch, are the main senses used during oral sex. Hence your gentleman lover’s taste buds are in full action when he’s vacationing in the land down under; it would be a shame for him to not enjoy his stay.

6. Pain

Peter Griffin gif

“How long do I need to be down here?”

“Fuck my jaw is getting tired”

“my tongue is starting to hurt but I like this”

“my neck hurts”

“I think I ripped the web of my tongue again”

Sometimes things can start to drag on and get tiring. Let's face it, our mouths aren't really used to doing this on the daily. Before you get started guys, make sure you pick a comfortable area to get installed in because you never know how long you'll be on the job. We'd feel pretty bad if you pulled your neck.

7. Food

Michael Fassbender eating

“What should I eat tomorrow?”

Sex can be quite the workout, which can open up an appetite. Guys (ok, girls too) are usually either thinking about sex or food and since they’re already doing the former, it leaves plenty of room to focus on what mom made for supper.

8. The Alphabet Song

Sesame street gif

“Let me do the a,b,c’s”

This one gave me quite the laugh. A universal ditty, known by all, the alphabet song is apparently a go to jingle when a guy doesn't want to fill his head with too much noise.

9. His Random Thoughts

Mark Wahlberg gif

“How far can I stick my tongue in?”

“I wish I could smoke while doing this”

“how many licks does it take to get to the centre of a tootsie pop?”

“I wonder if she gets this a lot”

“should I try the silent duck?”

Let’s face it, guys have A LOT of this going on, 24/7, and it certainly isn't any different when they're all up in your business.

10. Your Random Thoughts

Emma Stone Gif

“What is she thinking of?”

Last but not least on the list, guys are most like wondering what the hell you’re thinking about too, so speak up ladies and guide them through it so you can both take advantage of the situation. 

And while we are on the topic of oral sex, if anyone needed any tips on how to please their man: http://www.ixdaily.com/the-grind/how-give-killer-blowjob 

Photo source: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

Share this article

Comments

Content Stream

Donzelle is a beautiful mix of questionable metaphor rap, deadpan dancers, unrefined costume changes and heavy dirty bass. You might remember her name from back around the neon/electro-rap days, you might just not, and that's okay. She's back with a brand new single and visuals to accompany her...
Young self taught producer, Kultur keeps on climbing the ladder and asserting himself since the release of two EPs and several singles that caught the attention of the interwebs. After a year spent putting flesh on the bones of his universe, he comes back with "OCEAN" , his new single featuring...
iamhill is a force to be reckoned with. This self-made emerging artist is talented in a raw, underground type of way. She took it upon herself to produce, write, record, and perform "Give It a Rest" - A catchy single with few words that will get stuck with you as you play it on repeat. It was...
EVERY WEEK. We feature the best underground tracks & remixes, and most of them are up for free download. We prioritize Canadian producers and acts but it is not exclusive. Every Sunday, we'll round-up all of our favourite remixes and tracks we've received through submissions and lay them out...
Nothing better than some fire beats to warm you up in this damned cold weather. MORRIS just recently dropped a 6-track project titled GOOMBAWAVE on soundcloud. A collection of beats based on those species of sentient mushrooms from Nintendo's Mario franchise. You don't need to listen to it in any...
Birthday Boy & Trish release new single titled “Chance To Go Far” off their upcoming EP titled Joseph , out on January 19th via Bastard Jazz . We recently featured the single “Magic” off the same EP, which they had released to close out 2017 with a bang. Further emphasizing the project 90s R...
This emerging artist has been on our radar for quite some time now. Langston Francis is a young visionary who grew up in the centre of Kensington Market and was heavily influenced by the Toronto music scene. His first single "FCKD IT UP" has been making the rounds of the interweb, especially for...
Watch the video above. Life is a journey of twists and turns, leading us to moments of both true bliss and great despair. In her new video "Prime Time" , Singer-songwriter Liana takes us on an emotional adventure throughout the breathtaking landscapes of Peru – a visual odyssey that reflects a...
"Confessions..." is an on-going column where we invite readers to submit their most outrageous personal stories anonymously for everyone to read. These stories are real, and usually come from people who lead double lives. Due to the nature of the subject matter, all identities are kept anonymous to...
We took Parsons' graduate Panisa Busayanont 's Life Cycle collection to New York City's Central Park. Shoes by Aldo . Photographed by Sami Claire . Follow us on Instagram for your fashion fix.
The Achromatics : Music to be appreciated by the mind and body. The Achromatics are a nine-person superband creating a new sensation in music - driven by soulful melody, Latin rhythm, and ferocious showmanship. They have been dazzling audiences throughout Ontario and now the rest of Canada and...
Yung Shalack is a 21 year old, young aspiring Canadian hip hop artist from 807, Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada. Producing and performing all the tunes in his own studio, Yung Shalack is a multi-faceted self-taught talented individual that is starting off with a banger. His latest release is his first...