Douchebag of the Week: Corporate Slimeball VS. Costco Psycho
This has been a big week for douchebaggery in the news, what with heavyweights Kim Davis and Donald Trump still making headlines. We’re going to ignore to A-list D-bags, so that we can look at some new rising douches. In one corner, we have Martin Shkreli, who has been in the limelight this week, even though he’s been a terrible human being for a lot longer! In the other corner, we have Derrick Gharabighi, who’s a class act from Costco! Let’s go through the rounds and see which of these fine gentlemen was the douche of the week!
You may have seen this weasel’s face on your computer screen lately. Martin Shkreli is the CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals who bought the rights to Daraprim (a drug to fight parasitic infections) in August. Shkreli increased the price of Daraprim by %5000. He upped the price from $13.50 a pill, to $750. Daraprim is used for patients living with HIV and other infectious diseases that leave them with defective immune systems. You’d need to drop over a grand for two measly pills.
Gharabighi starts his round by going over to Costco in Burbank, California. He walked to a sample table of waffle-pieces covered in Nutella. Instead of grabbing one, he starts shoveling all of them in his face. When a 78-year-old man went to pick up a sample, Gharabighi allegedly took it out of his hand and ate it, along with the other samples. He went to Costco, where you can buy a jar of Nutella bigger than your head, and decided he’d rather shove all the tiny free spoonfuls into his face-hole.
ROUND ONE WINNER: Shkreli by a landslide. Gharabighi is a pig, but Shkreli’s decision has the power to completely ruin lives.
This isn’t the first time that Shkreli has pulled the ol’ “raise the price of medication to an ungodly amount so that people might consider dying to be a more financially practical decision” trick. While working for the company Retrophin, he tried to increase the drug Thiola, which prevents cystine kidney stones, from $1.50 a pill to $30 a pill.
The elderly man confronted Gharabighi, saying he shouldn’t have eaten all of the samples. Gharabighi decided to punch the elderly man right in his face. The elderly man was hospitalized for with a cut and swelling above his eye, which would normally be not too big of a deal if the man weren’t 78. 78 and he gets clocked in the face. Gharabighi was arrested for elder abuse, and sent to jail with a $50,000 bond.
ROUND TWO WINNER: Gharabighi! Sure, Shkreli is still awful, but it’s not unexpected. Punching a senior is really unexpected.
To add even more douche-cred, he has also been in trouble for harassing a previous employee of Retrophin for a year. Shkreli harassed the ex-employee, his wife, and even his son. Shkreli claimed the ex-employee had stolen millions from him. He sent a message to the man’s wife claiming: “I hope to see you and your four children homeless and will do whatever I can to assure this.” Retrophin settled with the ex-employee out of court, and Shkreli resigned as CEO of the company. Retrophin is now suing him for $65 million for “acting against the interests of the company”.
The cherry on top of this Nutella psycho is that his Instagram account (which is now full of amazing comments) states: “Future nurse with a attitude and lazy.” Beautiful. A future nurse punched a senior citizen in the face over the most gentle confrontation held in a Costco. Picture him in a hospital.
ROUND THREE WINNER: Shkreli! Gharabighi hasn’t put in the douchey time and effort that Shrkreli has. That douchebag is committed! Also, he gave us the most wonderful screengrab where he confronts his ex-employee’s teenage son on Facebook. He tries the "Don't you know who I am?" card, which doesn't impress the youngins at all.
THE DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK:
Shkreli!!! Congratulations Shkreli, you were the douchebag of the week. Even though we can be comforted that the outrage you created got you doxxed by hackers and got Daraprim’s price to be lowered, it’s just not enough. You deserve to lose all of your money and gain all of the UTIs.