Ladies, The Gym is No Place to Find a Husband

Ladies, The Gym is No Place to Find a Husband

Filed under: 
Rants

Do you head to the gym with a fully caked-on face of makeup? Is the purpose of your visit something other than getting fit? Are you wearing an entirely matching workout outfit, and a push-up bra? If yes, I will speak for the other 95% of the gym population: we hate you, leave.

This winter I have upped my visits to the gym, and my biggest gain has not been fitness related. What I have gained is a hatred for the increasing number of girls that look like they are preparing for a workout-themed frat party. I understand that the gym is festering with tosterone-heavy men, but calm your labido; the gym is not the place to find a man. Here's why:

Your Face is Sweating Off

Although it is entertaining to judge you while your concealer and mascara run down your face, you should know that wearing makeup and working out will cause acne. Face makeup clogs pores and when introducing sweat, you are creating a prime situation for breakouts. Do us all a favour and wash your face before going to the gym.

 

Please Put on Some Clothes

Those neon spandex are not doing you any favours, and your ass cleavage is not impressing anyone.

Honey, That’s Not Working Out

The purpose of the gym and the $75 / month you are paying to be there is to work out. The goal is not to look good while on the cardio machines; it’s to look good in result of the cardio machines. Stop hogging the Stairmaster to show off your ass -- you should try actually breaking a sweat.

Is That a Push-up Sports Bra?

If you feel the need to false advertise at the gym then you need to do some soul searching. Remember that if you’re planning on bringing home a gym rat, chances are he is gonna see the real deal.

Who Are These Guys Anyway?

There are basically two types of guys that go to the gym: "The Men" and "The Douche Bags." The guys paying attention to you and not working out are the “Douche Bags”. “The Men” are serious about their fitness; they are not there to pick up a bird. So stop wasting your time getting ready for the gym. Put on a baggy t-shirt, throw up an ugly-bun, and do a real workout. 

Share this article

Comments

Content Stream

Our favourite girl duo Heartstreets just dropped the anticipate video for their most recent single "Blind" - DIrected by Zacharie Lavertu , with Ariel Methot behind the lens, the entire team behind the project really delivered a different outlook on the song itself, which is refreshing to say the...
Discover the melting pop world of FRASE . This Montreal-based musical genius has been cooking a melting pot of pure pop bliss, offering a couple of teasers such as his most recent single release "The Weight" featuring Sickflip off his upcoming album titled FRNZ , which we are having you listen...
Montreal-based emerging artist Mari-Ève is a triple threat. The model turned fashion designer always had a passion for music first and foremost. After years of experimenting and playing around with sounds, she is ready to showcase this hidden talent to the world with the premiere of her debut...
Ski season is approaching very fast, so it's about time Black Crows released their 2017-2018 lookbook. For the all-terrain and big mountain ranges, black crows is releasing bi and tri-colored ski designs with a mesh finish, playing with the varying thickness of the lines to deliver a timeless,...
Ever since we've had a first glimpse at the Converse Counter Climate collection, we've been looking forward to new releases every year. This collection is specific to prepping for the holiday season as they transform the classic Chuck Taylor silhouette to fuse function and style through meticulous...
Shay Lia , a Montrealer who's been buzzin' around the interwebs and appearing on Kaytranada 's live sets has released yet another music video for her new single "What's Your Problem?" Watch above. Follow Shay Lia on: instagram.com/shayliasphere/ twitter.com/shaylia_ facebook.com/iamshaylia/ Stream/...
Quebec rapper Loud just dropped some sharp visuals. Known for his intricate music videos, where the fluidity of the shots are either all combined into one long pan, or pushed to a creative level that no one can mimic. This latest one is the first look at his upcoming album titled «Une année record...
Montreal's Geoffroy is back with another poignant video. Ever since we premiered his sound to the world, we've kept a close eye on this creative visionary. He makes the type of music you'd listen to just to escape reality and wander deep in your thoughts to release emotions you've bottled up...
You need to watch this. It isn't necessarily usual to lay eyes and ears on a young multi-talented instrumentalist like JP Saxe . The 24 year old singer, songwriter just released visuals for his single "Anybody Else" and we just can't get enough. The Toronto-artist appears to be showing (a lot) of...
Featuring an all-Toronto ensemble. Stranjah , a producer hailing from T-dot just dropped the visuals for "Don't Talk" - The title track off his EP released this past summer is under the same name, featuring Tony Ranks from King of the Dot fame. Stranjah fuses drum & bass with quirky percussion-...
Landough Skurtz a young artist from Toronto, who did voiceover work as a kid. He was the voice of Arthur (Anteater), also voiced characters in Franklin (The Turtle) , Beyblade & more. This multi-talented vocalist released his first single ever. Titled "Spot" - the beat was produced by Marc...
EVERY SUNDAY. We feature the best underground tracks & remixes, and most of them are up for free download. We prioritize Canadian producers and acts but it is not exclusive. Every Sunday, we'll round-up all of our favourite remixes and tracks we've received through submissions and lay them out...