Confessions of a Tinderella

Confessions of a Tinderella

Tinder
Filed under: 
Sex & Recreation

"Confessions..." is an on-going column where we invite readers to submit their most outrageous personal stories anonymously for everyone to read. These stories are real, and usually come from people who lead double lives. Due to the nature of the subject matter, all identities are kept anonymous to protect the person's job, and normal day-to-day life. Click Here for more Confessions stories.

This week we spoke to a self-proclaimed Tinderella to hear about her first-hand experience with dating guys on the app.

I started using the social-dating app Tinder about 8 months ago, after some friends introduced me to it. At first I thought it was just going to be for shits and giggles, that is, until it became a serious hobby of mine. Not knowing what I was getting into at first, I went in blindly. Little did I know that I'd get hooked right away. 

It always starts when I am a little bit bored. I open the app and swipe through it just to see if I am able to find hot guys to stare through my phone's display. Obviously  it's hard to decipher any guy through a picture, but the fun part is looking at the picture and starting to imagine what this guy's all about. I start imagining what his daily routines are,  what he does first thing in the morning. When I come across a Brad Pitt type, I tend to imagine him grabbing me from behind and fucking my brains out against the vanity in my room. The problem is, when you start, there is no looking back. The thoughts and imagination become stronger every time and, before you know it, I've been on the app for a good couple of hours and have not accomplished much other than teasing myself. 

tinderella

The reality is, there is a 40% chance the next dude I start talking to will meet all the requirements I progressively built up during my swiping routine, and there's always that one little thing that becomes a complete turn-off in each guy I speak to. The swiping becomes endless, because you always keep hope that the next one will be worthy to drool over.

I always let the guy start the conversation. It's always the first few questions that count. If a guy successfully passes my initial screen test, I start feeling butterflies in my stomach and get the urge to grab a pillow and place it in between my legs. I will never start the conversation myself though, never. The whole point here is to make it seem hard for them to get to me; men love that, it makes it more challenging for them and more exciting for me to gain their attention.

tinderella

The interactions always begin in a pretty similar way: a simple, "Hello," "How are you?," "What do you do in life?," and "What are you up to?" Occasionally, you will have that one creep who skips right to the point and let his manhood do the talking. Ew. You might as well take a picture of your dick and put it as your profile photo, you'd make our lives so much easier. I usually skip those creeps right away, because it's not fun when a guy gets right to the point; it's all about building up the momentum.

Tinder is a lot of work: there are a lot of boring and dumb guys on there, and I don’t really want to waste my time talking to someone who I know I will never meet. Which is why I stopped counting the amount of aimless flirt-convos I've had on the app. I filter the conversations I am having as they progress. If a guy has nothing interesting to say or comes off as a player/douchebag then the conversation ends there. You need to have game on Tinder just like in real life!

On rare occasions, you'll get matches that are only in town for a couple of days because they are traveling, which gives you a free pass for one night stands. I've fucked a couple of hot business-type men in their hotel rooms and one in the backseat of his rental car (I won't go into details). Those encounters are usually the ones I don't speak about when gossiping with my girls. It's a quick-release kind of meet-up; the conversation stops as soon as they leave town. 

tinderella

Having used this app thoroughly, I came to the conclusion that there are 3 archetypes of horny guys that continually resurface during the search: 

1. The Cocky Bastard: This guy will always start the conversation by ridiculously complimenting you on your physique, like, "Hey you look very hot in your picture," or, "It might seem crazy but, you seriously are the prettiest girl I've met on here." - AS IF I'm going to believe that I am the only one he says that to. Bye. 

2. The Awkward Dude: This guy will take the randomest thing he sees on one of your pictures and start his conversation while attempting to break the ice. "You picked a nice color for your wallpaper, is that your room?" or "Who's that girl lying next to you on the grass? Your mom?" - I mean, there's nothing wrong with breaking the ice, but COME ON. I am definitely not interested in exchanging interior design tips, or talking about anyone else but myself. Although this type of guy is the least annoying out of the bunch, some of them really don't know how to play the game. 

3. The Creep: There is nothing worse than when a guy jumps right into it: "So, what are you looking for here ?" A new purse, what the fuck else would I be doing on this app? Clearly I am looking to date someone. Sidenote: a sophisticated girl will never say she is looking for sex. Society is built that way, and it won't change anytime soon. I usually make a joke about it, and if he becomes too persistent about getting his dick wet, I skip him and move on to the next one. 

There is the occasional girl that I end up speaking to, but I don't tell any of my friends about it. I mean, I have never met or been with a girl off this app, and I do not consider myself bisexual, but if she's good at flirting I will give it a go just for fun. I guess you can call me curious for now. 

Also, there is this weird tendency for guys who use Tinder to be short. I can definitely contest to the fact that about 80% of the guys I've met through this app are, in fact, short. This trend is kind of disappointing due to the fact that most girls like me are looking for a man that has to lean in when kissing me, not the other way around.

tinderella

It took about two weeks for me to build up confidence in meeting the first guy in person.

My first real-life Tinder date was actually kind of awkward. I really didn’t know what to expect and was slightly worried that he would be a psychopath or something. I had never met someone from “online dating” before. It was also incredibly impromptu; I was talking to him one night when I was working late and he was very adamant in seeing me. He really wanted to go for a drink and was trying really hard while at the same time being really funny and charming, which is why I gave in. We met up that same night. In terms of my expectations, I didn’t really have any, least of all did I plan on sleeping with him that night, and I didn't. Believe it or not, though, we actually ended up seeing each other for a bit over a month and eventually did sleep together. He freaked out once it started getting slightly serious and I never saw him again. Is Tinder for pussies? Ironically enough, this, my first ever Tinder date was the longest Tinder “relationship” I've had.

tinderella

One of my worst experiences is when I went out with a bartender of a really prestigious, hip restaurant. Apparently, he was working on becoming a sommelier and knew a lot about wine. We went to a restaurant for drinks, and of course I let him pick the bottle of wine we ordered. I didn’t see what he ordered, but I assume it wasn’t the cheapest bottle on the menu considering his palette. The restaurant wouldn’t let us order only wine, so we ordered a few plates to share, which I could tell he didn’t want to do. The date was going really well and, when we were done, I went to the bathroom. I came back wondering if he had already settled the bill, which he hadn’t. The waitress came to bring it to us, he picked it up, looked at it and put it back down. I then picked it up, looked at it and put it back down. He wasn’t saying anything. I then reached into my purse, starting pulling out my wallet -- he still wasn’t saying anything. Then I reached into my wallet, started pulling out my credit card -- still nothing. I dropped my card on the table and meanwhile, he was pulling out his thick stack of cash from his pocket (it seems he was making a lot of money from tips). Not only did he not offer to pay the bill, but he had ordered one of the priciest bottles of wine on the menu! What upset me is not that he didn’t pay for the bill, it’s that he didn’t OFFER to pay for the bill on our first date. It’s the principle of the thing, you know? He still proceeded to ask me if I wanted to come over. I didn’t.

Even though Tinder has taken over my life in certain ways, there is no way for me to keep away from it. My curiosity is way stronger than my will to quit. It's like a bad habit where you only feel guilty after the fact, and the fact is I won't stop anytime soon.

I am a proud Tinderella, what is YOUR story? 

See the other entries in our confessions series :

If you think you have an interesting story to be featured as part of the anonymous Confessions series, send us an email to [email protected] and tell us your story.

Photo Source: Tumblr

Share this article

Comments

Content Stream

Two of Canada's finest emerging production and rap talents High Klassified and Zach Zoya have just released a surprise collaborative EP Misstape . Producer High Klassified has been on a tear as of late, including producing the the viral hit "Coming Out Strong" by Future and The Weeknd . Likewise,...
Montreal still has some hidden gems roaming through its alleyways, and IDKCHARLIE is one of them. Originally from Belleville, the emerging nu-wave rapper has been making the rounds of the interweb by sharing tunes that emit a dark overtone that is almost always relatable due to the nature of the...
Hailing from Hamilton, ON, Jay Portal is part of the new group of kids hoping to herald change for their city’s hardly existent hip-hop scene. He teamed up with DBLCRSS to make something special happen in the city this summer and now we have visuals for "Beat Boy" to feast our eyes and ears on. For...
We've had Myth Syzer on our radar for a minute now. The french alt-rap artist just released new visuals for his single "La Piscine" accompanied by loving rap legend, Doc Gynéco , and Clara Cappagli - from the indie band Agar Agar . Confidence about a budding love with a whiff of chlorine, supported...
Harrison Brome is the newest force making waves in the darker side of the bedroom pop and R&B scene. Born and raised in the gorgeous gloom of Vancouver, British Columbia, Harrison has capsuled the pulse of his city, filtering it out in the form of sensual, sharp and somber songs. Despite his...
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not reflect any other organization, committee or other group or individual. Most of the content was put together for comic relief and none of the activities mentioned below are recommended in any way shape...
We collaborated with photographer Delphine Lewis on this editorial located at Habitat 67, a Lego-like housing complex conceived by architect Moshe Safdie. Styling by Savannah Scott , featuring Aldo shoes and accessories. Follow Delphine Lewis on Instagram. Look 1: Vintage slip, Aldo shoes, Aldo...
From time to time, you fall onto something by mistake, and it changes you a bit. That's what happened when I discovered Visually Tasteful . Hailing from Montreal (Laval, more specifically) - this creative visionary really grabbed my attention when I saw one of the photo projects he did with our...
It's that time of the year again, where we are midway through the summer in Montreal and everyone is shuffling to make sure they have taken advantage of the good times, good weather and partying. For those of you who still have not taken advantage of the amazing weather we've had this year in...
You might have seen this character around on instagram, in the form of a ken doll. Lil Lonely is back with some dope visuals to accompany his debut single release "Get That Money" which we premiered a while back. The visuals come in the form of mixed media, giving you a whirlwind of eye candy that'...
WAVVY FROG is a Toronto based producer and DJ whose music and mixes blend bouncy electronic summer tunes with club ready rap and hip hop. Drawing from Jersey Club, Future Bass and Mumble Rap, he boils music down to its most bubbly, exuberant form to craft a uniquely uplifting ethos throughout his...
Stance's latest collection for Fall 2018, STANCE X BASQUIAT , honours renowned graffiti artist and painter of the late 70's and 80's American punk scene, Jean-Michel Basquiat . Known for his work on unlikely objects from refrigerators to helmets, the collection uses an unlikely canvas of socks,...